Nonviolent Communication training in New York & Online

Nonviolent Communication (NVC), also known as Compassionate Communication, was developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg as a way to understand what connects us and what leads to conflict. More than a way of speaking, it’s a framework for relating to ourselves and others, grounded in an awareness of universal human needs — expressions of our life force and shared humanity. By shifting attention away from judgment and toward needs, it becomes possible to navigate conflict with more awareness and understanding, supporting a quality of connection where compassion can naturally emerge.

Universal human needs are the fundamental qualities of life that matter to all of us — like wellbeing, connection, understanding, autonomy, or meaning (find a full list here). They are not specific objects or strategies, but the deeper motivations behind what we say, feel and do. 

When we learn to recognize needs, in ourselves and others, it becomes possible to understand what’s happening beneath the surface and find ways to respond that take into account what matters to everyone involved. Developing needs awareness is at the heart of NVC — a lens through which we can understand ourselves and others at a deeper level.

It’s completely understandable that the term Nonviolent Communication can feel confusing at first. The word “nonviolent” comes from the work of Marshall Rosenberg, who was inspired by traditions of nonviolence that point to a way of relating grounded in compassion rather than blame or domination.

In this context, “violence” doesn’t refer exclusively to physical harm, but to the more subtle, everyday ways our language and thinking can create disconnection — such as judgment, criticism, defensiveness, or shutting down. These patterns are deeply ingrained in how many of us learned to communicate, and they often show up most strongly in moments of stress or conflict, even when we care about the relationship.

If you recognize yourself, or people in your life, in any of this, then this work can be relevant and supportive.

This is a different kind of work. These trainings are educational and skills-based, with a focus on developing awareness and practical ways of relating to yourself and others. While the work can be personally meaningful and supportive, we don’t explore in depth the origins of patterns or behaviors in the way therapy does.

The focus is on what is present — how you make sense of your experience and how you communicate and relate in real time. If situations arise that could benefit from the support of a licensed professional — such as experiences of trauma, ongoing emotional or mental health challenges, or moments of significant distress — we will name that clearly and encourage you to seek appropriate support. This work can complement therapy, but it is not a substitute for it.

No prior experience is needed for the introductory workshops or the Foundations (Discovery) trainings — both are open to everyone and offer a clear starting point. The intermediate and advanced NVC trainings build on that foundation.

If you already have experience with NVC from other contexts, you’re very welcome. There can be value both in deepening your practice and in revisiting the foundations from a different angle. You’re always welcome to reach out — I’d be glad to connect and help you find what feels most aligned.

They refer to the same approach. “Compassionate Communication” is often used as a more accessible way to describe Nonviolent Communication (NVC), especially for those who find the word “nonviolent” confusing. Both point to a way of relating grounded in awareness of human needs, and in a quality of connection that supports understanding and care.

Nonviolent Communication is often associated with four components or "steps": observing what’s happening without judgment, identifying what we feel, connecting feelings with underlying needs, and making requests to move forward (sometimes known as the "OFNR" model). These can be very helpful as a way to bring awareness to different aspects of our experience and to begin expressing ourselves with more clarity.

At the same time, the teaching of NVC has sometimes been centered primarily on these steps. When approached as a formula to follow, they can lead to a way of speaking that feels mechanical or disconnected from genuine presence. This is often where misunderstandings about NVC arise. I also find that focusing too narrowly on this structure can obscure the depth and breadth of the work, which is not just about how we speak, but about how we relate — to ourselves and to others.

Today, many trainers place more emphasis on the intention behind the model — cultivating compassion and developing an ongoing awareness of needs as the foundation of the practice. In my approach, this translates into focusing on self-empathy, empathic listening, and authentic expression as core pillars of this work, and as the foundation for compassionate action. The original components are still present, but are woven organically within this framework, rather than followed as a fixed sequence.

This is a big question, and not one that can be easily answered in a few lines. In practice, Nonviolent Communication is less about applying a specific technique and more about developing a different way of relating — grounded in presence, a focus on our shared humanity and needs, and, most importantly, an intention to connect and understand.

It involves noticing the habitual patterns of communication that create disconnection. These often emerge in moments of reactivity and tension, and tend to be shaped by judgment and blame, often leading us to push, defend, or shut down. At the heart of the practice is the ability to slow down in those moments — to interrupt these patterns, recognize needs on each side, and begin to find different ways forward that take into account what matters to everyone involved.

Over time, this unfolds as a progression of skill-building. It starts with developing individual “muscles” — such as distinguishing needs from strategies, translating judgments into needs, deepening awareness of feelings, and listening empathically — and gradually weaving these into the living process of needs-based dialogue.

Like the development of any craft, this takes repetition. New habits are built over time by returning again and again to what is alive in the moment — especially when it feels most challenging. With practice, this becomes something you carry into everyday interactions, shaping how you listen and speak, and how you move through moments of tension or choice.